Its Christmas Time....

But to me, it sure as heck don't feel like it. I am so not in the Christmas spirit this year. Not sure if its the warm weather, money issues, or the fact that my love is on the other side of the world for the Holidays, but I'm honestly ready for it to be over with already. I'm also ready for New Years to be over with, I'm ready to start a new year, new me, and for me and garett a new US. I can't believe he will be home in almost 2 months. This deployment has definitely flew by for us. Its been a tough one, but I wouldn't change a minute of it. I think the outcome has definitely made our relationship stronger, and made our love for each other grow.


I am so ready to see him when he steps off those buses, and I'm so ready to be in his arms, to be able to pick up the phone and call him, to text him when I'm thinking of him, to see him every weekend, to wake up to his handsome face and kiss him when I want to. ahhh, c'mon February!!


Here's a Christmas Poem written by Nathan Tabor who i believe was a US MARINE.

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who is this home did live.

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary; I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play, and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa don't cry, this life is my choice;

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more, my life is my God, my Country, my Corps."

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure."

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. "Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night!"

wow. well its been a while since i've wrote on here.  1 holiday down, and 1 to go till my love is back home with me.  at times this deployment has seemed like times going no where and now it feels like its flying by. all i know is i think this deployment has made me cherish our relationship and made it even stronger, i really think that we needed this, as much as it sucks, we needed this. i've had so much time to think about things, i still dont have everything figured out, but i do know one thing...garett's the most amazing guy i could ever ask for, he loves me, cares about me, and puts up with way more shit than anyone should, he should've been long gone by now but he's still here by my side. Thats why i know every lonely, sleepless, cry myself to sleep nights, are worth him being gone, because i know he's coming home to me, i get that "run & jump" hug, that 2nd first kiss, the tears that just stream down from being so happy he's finally back home safe & sound and i am so happy about that. 


Holiday's suck because its the time i really want to be with him, but thank gah that i have some amazing friends to keep my busy and on my toes, keeping my mind off of being lonely and depressed while he's gone. The past month has been amazing, i've had alot going on, and november has flown by, i mean its almost december...hopefully it will go by just as quick.


Thanksgiving eve was such a fun night. I saw so many people I havent seen in forever, some from my HS and some from the other schools we all hung out with it, brought back so many good memories, thats one thing i will miss if i ever move away is Thanksgiving Eve in Salisbury :)


well..thats it for now.


I Love you GMD <3

crazy weekend

well these past few days have been non-stop. and im so exhausted. started thursday with my best friend coming in town. went to dinner then had a few drinks with some friends then called it a night because i had to work the next day.

friday was crazy, went to work, straight from work to Eric Church/Toby Keith concert in charlotte, had an awesome time! then straight after the concert we went to a bar for a while. didnt get home til 4am. so tired.

saturday got up, ran errands, got ready had a wedding at 5:30, i left straight from there to a rehersal dinner 30 min away, stayed there for about an hour and a half, then went back to the reception then out to the bar, which was like a damn high school reunion.

sunday got up, took my best friend over to the person's house that was taking her back home, met with the girls to get ready for tiffs wedding and didnt stop till 12 last night.

so busy busy weekend for me but it was all worth it to spend some time with my best friend lace, and see some other amazing girls. I got to be apart of 2 amazing weddings for 2 amazing girls. I love them both so much and wish them nothing but the best, because they both deserve it!

At Tiffany's beautiful wedding, all the bridesmaids :)

Lace, Ash, Sam, Beth, JL, Liz, Me, Heather

HS Reunion, so glad we all got back together :)

& Beth was a beautiful bride!

........on another subject....


im so ready for this deployment to be over, i hate my rollercoaster of emotions that are going on. one day im fine, one day im upset pissed off, and the next im sad, then im fine again. i hate this. really really really hate it. ive been getting this sick feeling lately. idk what it is, and its making me worry about some stuff in our relationship. idk whats going on. maybe its the distance and all this stupid shit but whatever it is i wish it would stop.

its been a while

well its been a few since i've been on. 
its been a crazy couple of weeks. ugh im so glad i get to talk to G everyday, but i hate it when we fight. 
its so mentally exhausting. but no more. because its going to end up ruining our relationship. so the past couple of days have been good between  us. of course we're gonna pick at each other, but thats just us :)


i can't believe 2 months have passed since he left. i feel like it was just yesterday, but im guessing thats a good sign right?.. just have to get through the holidays, and we should be golden. we got a "window" date for when he should return home, and its close to my birthday! which im super excited about because he wasnt here for my birthday this year, so fingers crossed he's here for my 25th...(ugh im getting old) :)


well the weddings are coming up this weekend im beyond ready for them to be over with, well not so much saturdays wedding, but definately sundays. 


then wilmington trip and va beach trip :) definately looking forward to getting away.

It's hard to not feel abandoned and unappreciated. With him doing something so important, it can feel like everything you do goes unnoticed. It's normal to feel under-appreciated. Know that you're not. Know that they love everything you do for them, they just don't have the time or means to show you in the ways that you recognize. Know that every time he sends you an email that's his "thank you for everything"

iloveyougarett<3

Kickin My Butt....

Ugh. Thats exactly what this stupid ass deployment is doing. Kicking. My. Ass. and i absolutely hate it. Im trying to not let it get me down and depressed but its so hard. We are 4 days away from being 2 months down, and I truly thought it would get easier, hell no. I am trying so hard to stay strong, and trying to hang on to every word he tells me that gives me comfort but its so hard without him here. 


"No one turns into a horrible person during a deployment. Fights and tears don't make you horrible, they make you human. We spend so much time trying to be super heroes that we punish ourselves for being normal"


"Deployments are the perfect time to grow. To learn how to be independent while loving someone with your whole heart. To be secure in every aspect of your life, whether it be your relationship or your finances. It's okay to have friends, it's okay to have fun, it's okay to not break down everyday, and its even okay to break down some days"


"He's thinking about you. Every time you go to bed hugging your pillow wishing it was him. He's holding on to the perfume sprayed letter or picture wishing it was you. As forgotten as you feel, remember that they miss you just as much, even if they don't always show it in the glorious and romantic ways we dream up."


--Saw these sayings on a support site this morning when i woke up feeling like it was gonna be one of those days. I'm trying so hard to keep these in mind, and remember them but gosh darnit it's so hard. You can say all you want that your gonna be strong, your not gonna let a deployment get to you, but its much easier said than done. I'm so ready for the weddings to be over with. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas (mostly) are the Holidays im looking forward to. Probably planning a trip to Wilmington the last weekend in Oct, then a trip to VA Beach the first weekend in November to see my sister. Maybe those will give me a break and kind of hurry up and make the days go by faster. I definately love having things to look forward to, it makes time go by quick. 


On a good note. I thought of the PERFECT idea for the hotel room the night he gets home! Can't say on here because I know he reads this ... sorry babe :). Its fantastic though, and I have plenty of ideas for our mini vacation for when he comes back too! See I wish I could spend my time thinking of things to do, and actually do them! AH! ugh...back to work I go...shoot me now :)




iloveyougarett <3

Over It

So can i just start off by saying...i am completely over everything, i mean EVERYTHING that is going on in my life right now. Done. Im so mentally tired of everything going on, the weddings, work, money...over it. I am beyond over waking up being so F'N stressed, and going to bed the same way. I'm tired of waking up not hearing from garett, tired of waking up feeling like i have to walk on eggshells around everyone around me. The weddings I have in October, im ready for them to be over with. This makes me NEVER want to be in a wedding again, until I get married, even then...its gonna be small, simple, and to the point. Im pretty much over the switching they are doing with Garetts hours over there. I mean this is the 3rd time in less than 2 months that they have changed the hours that he works. C'mon Marine Corps, get your shit together so I can talk to my boyfriend at normal hours. Gah im over this fucking deployment. OVER IT, just like everything in my life right now. After the weddings... forget going out, im gonna stay at home...i dont care if I sound like a homebody, and that I have no life...im done trying to please EVERYONE, trying to make EVERYONE happy. Tired of feeling like im not #1 to A-N-Y-O-N-E, when i try my damndest to put so many people ahead of myself...im so tired of people if i could seclude myself from the world right now i would do it at the snap of my fingers. D.O.N.E

days go by...

oh man. well. we are a month and a half into this deployment, it seems like the days are going by faster than i thought they would, and its slowly getting easier, even though i do have my "days" sometimes. i miss him more and more as the days go by, but i can't seem to think of anything but the day when i am back in his arms again. gah i love this boy. i never thought i would know the true meaning of love, the real meaning. i've never in my life loved/cared for someone SO much. its the most amazing feelings in this world, i think everyone should be able to experience this feeling in their life. i feel like our love is something you would read about in books, or see in a movie. there's really no words that can explain how much im in love with him.

me and a friend planned to go to vegas in december, but i definately thought about that long and hard and decided right now wasnt the time i needed to go. there's so much i want to do right now before he gets home, and i dont need/want to spend the money going to vegas for 3 days. thankfully she's an amazing friend and understands. i can't wait to start working out, and going to visit my sister in VA more. I need to get away from this town and everyone in it.

well...i have tomorrow off from work, and its supposed to rain and storm all day. can we say PERFECT LAZY DAY? i think so :).

goodnight.

i love you garett<3