Its Christmas Time....

But to me, it sure as heck don't feel like it. I am so not in the Christmas spirit this year. Not sure if its the warm weather, money issues, or the fact that my love is on the other side of the world for the Holidays, but I'm honestly ready for it to be over with already. I'm also ready for New Years to be over with, I'm ready to start a new year, new me, and for me and garett a new US. I can't believe he will be home in almost 2 months. This deployment has definitely flew by for us. Its been a tough one, but I wouldn't change a minute of it. I think the outcome has definitely made our relationship stronger, and made our love for each other grow.


I am so ready to see him when he steps off those buses, and I'm so ready to be in his arms, to be able to pick up the phone and call him, to text him when I'm thinking of him, to see him every weekend, to wake up to his handsome face and kiss him when I want to. ahhh, c'mon February!!


Here's a Christmas Poem written by Nathan Tabor who i believe was a US MARINE.

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who is this home did live.

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary; I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play, and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa don't cry, this life is my choice;

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more, my life is my God, my Country, my Corps."

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure."

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. "Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night!"

wow. well its been a while since i've wrote on here.  1 holiday down, and 1 to go till my love is back home with me.  at times this deployment has seemed like times going no where and now it feels like its flying by. all i know is i think this deployment has made me cherish our relationship and made it even stronger, i really think that we needed this, as much as it sucks, we needed this. i've had so much time to think about things, i still dont have everything figured out, but i do know one thing...garett's the most amazing guy i could ever ask for, he loves me, cares about me, and puts up with way more shit than anyone should, he should've been long gone by now but he's still here by my side. Thats why i know every lonely, sleepless, cry myself to sleep nights, are worth him being gone, because i know he's coming home to me, i get that "run & jump" hug, that 2nd first kiss, the tears that just stream down from being so happy he's finally back home safe & sound and i am so happy about that. 


Holiday's suck because its the time i really want to be with him, but thank gah that i have some amazing friends to keep my busy and on my toes, keeping my mind off of being lonely and depressed while he's gone. The past month has been amazing, i've had alot going on, and november has flown by, i mean its almost december...hopefully it will go by just as quick.


Thanksgiving eve was such a fun night. I saw so many people I havent seen in forever, some from my HS and some from the other schools we all hung out with it, brought back so many good memories, thats one thing i will miss if i ever move away is Thanksgiving Eve in Salisbury :)


well..thats it for now.


I Love you GMD <3

crazy weekend

well these past few days have been non-stop. and im so exhausted. started thursday with my best friend coming in town. went to dinner then had a few drinks with some friends then called it a night because i had to work the next day.

friday was crazy, went to work, straight from work to Eric Church/Toby Keith concert in charlotte, had an awesome time! then straight after the concert we went to a bar for a while. didnt get home til 4am. so tired.

saturday got up, ran errands, got ready had a wedding at 5:30, i left straight from there to a rehersal dinner 30 min away, stayed there for about an hour and a half, then went back to the reception then out to the bar, which was like a damn high school reunion.

sunday got up, took my best friend over to the person's house that was taking her back home, met with the girls to get ready for tiffs wedding and didnt stop till 12 last night.

so busy busy weekend for me but it was all worth it to spend some time with my best friend lace, and see some other amazing girls. I got to be apart of 2 amazing weddings for 2 amazing girls. I love them both so much and wish them nothing but the best, because they both deserve it!

At Tiffany's beautiful wedding, all the bridesmaids :)

Lace, Ash, Sam, Beth, JL, Liz, Me, Heather

HS Reunion, so glad we all got back together :)

& Beth was a beautiful bride!

........on another subject....


im so ready for this deployment to be over, i hate my rollercoaster of emotions that are going on. one day im fine, one day im upset pissed off, and the next im sad, then im fine again. i hate this. really really really hate it. ive been getting this sick feeling lately. idk what it is, and its making me worry about some stuff in our relationship. idk whats going on. maybe its the distance and all this stupid shit but whatever it is i wish it would stop.

its been a while

well its been a few since i've been on. 
its been a crazy couple of weeks. ugh im so glad i get to talk to G everyday, but i hate it when we fight. 
its so mentally exhausting. but no more. because its going to end up ruining our relationship. so the past couple of days have been good between  us. of course we're gonna pick at each other, but thats just us :)


i can't believe 2 months have passed since he left. i feel like it was just yesterday, but im guessing thats a good sign right?.. just have to get through the holidays, and we should be golden. we got a "window" date for when he should return home, and its close to my birthday! which im super excited about because he wasnt here for my birthday this year, so fingers crossed he's here for my 25th...(ugh im getting old) :)


well the weddings are coming up this weekend im beyond ready for them to be over with, well not so much saturdays wedding, but definately sundays. 


then wilmington trip and va beach trip :) definately looking forward to getting away.

It's hard to not feel abandoned and unappreciated. With him doing something so important, it can feel like everything you do goes unnoticed. It's normal to feel under-appreciated. Know that you're not. Know that they love everything you do for them, they just don't have the time or means to show you in the ways that you recognize. Know that every time he sends you an email that's his "thank you for everything"

iloveyougarett<3

Kickin My Butt....

Ugh. Thats exactly what this stupid ass deployment is doing. Kicking. My. Ass. and i absolutely hate it. Im trying to not let it get me down and depressed but its so hard. We are 4 days away from being 2 months down, and I truly thought it would get easier, hell no. I am trying so hard to stay strong, and trying to hang on to every word he tells me that gives me comfort but its so hard without him here. 


"No one turns into a horrible person during a deployment. Fights and tears don't make you horrible, they make you human. We spend so much time trying to be super heroes that we punish ourselves for being normal"


"Deployments are the perfect time to grow. To learn how to be independent while loving someone with your whole heart. To be secure in every aspect of your life, whether it be your relationship or your finances. It's okay to have friends, it's okay to have fun, it's okay to not break down everyday, and its even okay to break down some days"


"He's thinking about you. Every time you go to bed hugging your pillow wishing it was him. He's holding on to the perfume sprayed letter or picture wishing it was you. As forgotten as you feel, remember that they miss you just as much, even if they don't always show it in the glorious and romantic ways we dream up."


--Saw these sayings on a support site this morning when i woke up feeling like it was gonna be one of those days. I'm trying so hard to keep these in mind, and remember them but gosh darnit it's so hard. You can say all you want that your gonna be strong, your not gonna let a deployment get to you, but its much easier said than done. I'm so ready for the weddings to be over with. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas (mostly) are the Holidays im looking forward to. Probably planning a trip to Wilmington the last weekend in Oct, then a trip to VA Beach the first weekend in November to see my sister. Maybe those will give me a break and kind of hurry up and make the days go by faster. I definately love having things to look forward to, it makes time go by quick. 


On a good note. I thought of the PERFECT idea for the hotel room the night he gets home! Can't say on here because I know he reads this ... sorry babe :). Its fantastic though, and I have plenty of ideas for our mini vacation for when he comes back too! See I wish I could spend my time thinking of things to do, and actually do them! AH! ugh...back to work I go...shoot me now :)




iloveyougarett <3

Over It

So can i just start off by saying...i am completely over everything, i mean EVERYTHING that is going on in my life right now. Done. Im so mentally tired of everything going on, the weddings, work, money...over it. I am beyond over waking up being so F'N stressed, and going to bed the same way. I'm tired of waking up not hearing from garett, tired of waking up feeling like i have to walk on eggshells around everyone around me. The weddings I have in October, im ready for them to be over with. This makes me NEVER want to be in a wedding again, until I get married, even then...its gonna be small, simple, and to the point. Im pretty much over the switching they are doing with Garetts hours over there. I mean this is the 3rd time in less than 2 months that they have changed the hours that he works. C'mon Marine Corps, get your shit together so I can talk to my boyfriend at normal hours. Gah im over this fucking deployment. OVER IT, just like everything in my life right now. After the weddings... forget going out, im gonna stay at home...i dont care if I sound like a homebody, and that I have no life...im done trying to please EVERYONE, trying to make EVERYONE happy. Tired of feeling like im not #1 to A-N-Y-O-N-E, when i try my damndest to put so many people ahead of myself...im so tired of people if i could seclude myself from the world right now i would do it at the snap of my fingers. D.O.N.E

days go by...

oh man. well. we are a month and a half into this deployment, it seems like the days are going by faster than i thought they would, and its slowly getting easier, even though i do have my "days" sometimes. i miss him more and more as the days go by, but i can't seem to think of anything but the day when i am back in his arms again. gah i love this boy. i never thought i would know the true meaning of love, the real meaning. i've never in my life loved/cared for someone SO much. its the most amazing feelings in this world, i think everyone should be able to experience this feeling in their life. i feel like our love is something you would read about in books, or see in a movie. there's really no words that can explain how much im in love with him.

me and a friend planned to go to vegas in december, but i definately thought about that long and hard and decided right now wasnt the time i needed to go. there's so much i want to do right now before he gets home, and i dont need/want to spend the money going to vegas for 3 days. thankfully she's an amazing friend and understands. i can't wait to start working out, and going to visit my sister in VA more. I need to get away from this town and everyone in it.

well...i have tomorrow off from work, and its supposed to rain and storm all day. can we say PERFECT LAZY DAY? i think so :).

goodnight.

i love you garett<3

What all Marines, Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Coasties should know about their girl....

Found this on TUMBLR ...wow...whoever did these pretty much hit it on the spot ...most of them anyways :)

1. If she wasn't emotional before, that is all about to change
2. You getting a higher rank could just mean an automatic free lay.
3. Get her a pair of your dog tags, ASAP, This is crucial, she will never take them off.
4. Most of the time, you losing reception during training is your fault (Though, she will eventually understand)
5. Most of the time, everything is your fault. (this especially goes for when she is pregnant)
6. She WILL start talking like your guys and your talk, including using your last name
7. Her patriotism could out-do most of your men...she will be proud...VERY PROUD
8. Be Ready: your car will end up with a yellow ribbon magnet or an "I Love My _____" sticker eventually.
9. She will most likely need a pair of dog tags to hang from the car's rearview mirror
10. Every week she'll have "another song" that makes her think of you when you're away. ( And she'll cry to it, even when you're in the same room)
11. If youre married, she may know the base better than you do...Dont take it personal.
12. You will catch her comparing your relationship with "other couples" in the military constantly
13. She'll make 5 million friends online, and talk to you about them all the time because her "old friends just dont understand" like they do
14. Don't be shocked when she just drops civilian chicks out of her life like flies. (she mostly does this when they complain to her)
15. DO NOT if you love her, say anything about you not wanting to make her wait for you....
16. Most women actually do LOVE it when you are sweaty and dirty, even the girlie girls. It's sexy as hell
17. Only bring up the field once, say it clear, and dont bring it up again. We will remember the time, the dates, like stone inside our mind. Dont remind us
18. You ARE our hero. That isn't us being cute, its us swelling with pride, feeling like a princess everytime we glance over and you're standint there
19. Don't worry about waking her up when you get a chance to call, trust me, she's NOT sleeping. If she is, she's been waiting for you to call all night, and fell asleep next to the phone
20. Leave atleast 3 of your shirts for her...she'll wear them all the time and if she doesn't wear them out she WILl wear them to sleep
21. No matter what she was like before, she is tough & harder than a rock now. She can handle anything, she will get through it, tears, or no tears
22. Don't be discouraged or taken back from her strength. It comes with the territory. When in your arms, she's still your princess, soft and sweet.
23. Your kids might see mommy as the one in charge for a while, it's okay, they WILL respect you, just give it time
24. EVERYTHING in her life will be complicated, so she might actually need your support and encouragement.
25. Tag chasers are her WORST enemy, she CAN and WILL spot these girls...random profain comments may come out of your little queens mouth...its okay, she's protecting her best asset...you.
26. She will spend hours to look good on cam & pics for you, this is just a past-time until you get home, be prepared for messy ponytails and comfy pants when you finally do get home
27. Her favorite sentences from you start with "when i get home" or "when i get out"
28. No matter how much she's changed, never forget that you mean the world to her, she loves you more than anything, and you will ALWAYS be her hero...wheather you think are one or not.

another one...

of those days. i miss my sweet boyfriend, i think i have a stupid kidney infection and my heart hurts.....
September 1st my BIL lost a close friend. Travis Amsbaugh. Today they are laying him to rest. Not only was he an amazing Marine, but an amazing person. Travis could put a smile on anyones face, & he was definately the life of the party. Never a dull moment around him...I didnt spend alot of time with him, but the times we did hangout ill never forget. Watch over us bud, you'll be missed by many but never forgotten.

"There'll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read 'em but all that's gonna matter is that little dash between 'em."

7/21/85---9/1/11

I miss my best friend

I hate this. I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and call him when im havnig a bad day, because he's the one that always makes it better. I hate that I can't see that smile of his that makes my world so much better. I miss his hugs, his kisses, his hands holding mine, and most of all, I miss the way he loves me and makes me feel like im the only person in this world for him, but what i LOVE is that he makes me feel that way from 11,000 miles away. I Love you Garett <3

another one down

"She packs. She moves. She follows. Why? What for? You may think she has lost her mind. But actually, she's lost her heart. It was stolen by her man. A man who puts duty first, who longs to deploy, who salutes the flag, and whose boots in the doorway remind her that it takes one hell of a person to do what he does & she will FOREVER stand by his side." <3
-absolutely love this. it says so much. and its exactly how i feel.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out.


Today's been somewhat of a good day i guess.
I've been thinking ALOT about our future today for some reason.
I can't wait to see where things go when he gets back.
Im so ready to get out of this shit hole of a town and be with him.
Im pretty much over everyone here, my job, and just everything.
-im tryin so hard to keep my head up about this, So hard, if he only knew, i fake a smile and laugh everyday but all i really wanna do is breakdown...i DONT like this at all :(
its actually going by pretty fast, we are about to be 1 month down, and it feels like he just left so i guess thats a positive in this whole thing.
o well...gotta keep moving along, and supporting him ...


iLOVEyouGarett <3

today...

is another one of those days.

its been shitty...i just wanna go home & go to sleep, actually go home, talk to my love, and then go to sleep.
im so ready for him to get his laptop...its been almost a month without seeing his face, and i miss it SO much. if i didnt have pictures of him everywhere i go, id go crazy...he keeps me going...he keeps me sane...(sometimes) ;)
--WORK BLOWS & I WANNA GO HOME--
i want aug/sept to be OVER with. for some reason i want October to be here SO BAD. weddings/halloween/football. lets pray september goes by SUPER fast.

i've been listening to alot of Rock music here lately (thanks to my lover)
Five Finger Death Punch & Theory of a deadman...

i NEED to get away. this place, and everyone here is driving me completely INSANE. i want to get away, i've been thinking about going back to jacksonville, and staying at the hotel in the room we stayed at the weekend he left, just for some comfort. sounds crazy, but i want to so badly.  being back at home sucks, i have to deal with all of my parents drama...and on top of that, money issues & garett being gone, im so stressed beyond belief. I barely have an appetite anymore & im tired all of the time, all i wanna do is cry, even thinking about anything anymore can make me cry at the drop of a hat... i can't remember the last time i got a good nights sleep...probably the night before garett left. yup. that was it. i didnt have a care in the world cuddled up with him, and thats all i want to go back to, in his arms, sleeping like nothing else in this world mattered.

ON ANOTHER NOTE....
im SO ready for tiffany's bachelorette party! its gonna be so fun!
Even though, i feel so guilty for going out and partying with him being gone, BUT i know he wants me to get out and do stuff...plus, itll help the time go by faster.

...i've spent alot of time here lately with my bestest friend in the whole wide world. gah i've missed her so much, and i've forgotten how much fun we have together, and why she is my absolutely best friend (girl) bc garett is definately my best friend too....im so excited about her possibly moving to charlotte within the next couple of months. more best friend time will be exactly what i need to get through the rest of this deployment, she's definately my rock, and i dont know what i would do without her.

Anyways...i better get back to doing NOTHING at work...6pm please hurry up...

I Love You Garett <3

i can't sleep...

its 12:08 and 1)i feel like crap 2)im patiently waiting for G to get online...and 3) im tired but can't fall asleep.

welll...we are ALMOST 1 month down in this deployment. kind of exciting in a way. im guessing i got through this month...i can get through the next 6ish...hopefully he will be home end of februaryish-begining of marchish? lol. it would be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G if he got to come home on my BIRTHDAY <3 i dont think i could ask for a better gift than that! ANYWAYS...

got lots going on in the next couple of months...well not so much sept, but October, Nov, and Dec will hopefully FLY by. October-wedding...2 weddings 1 weekend...its gonna be fun/crazy and also EXHAUSTING. then we can't forget about HALLOWEEN :) then Thanksgiving, Panthers football games, and CHRISTMAS :) ... im kinda looking forward to everything going on!...trying to keep my head up :)

actions speak louder...than words

I hate when he's gone, and when i dont get to talk to him, or if we get in an argument, that i can't just call him and apologize. I hate that we said our first "I Love You's" the weekend before he left, i feel like that was a huge step in our relationship and this depolyment is just in the way of stepping forward and seeing where this is gonna go. Everyone says "oh, you'll come out stronger, and your relationship will be so much better" yea, um not believing that for one second at the moment, sometimes i feel like it and then again i dont. I HATE this deployment and everything that comes along with it, right now i feel like nothing good is coming out of it. Sounds harsh? Oh well...
When he comes back, he will have a year left...and i will support him in anything he decides to do, but it will not hurt my feelings AT ALL if he doesnt reup. I dont want to be apart from him, this long, EVER again. I hate it, and I can't say that enough. I want him home NOW. Not in 6 months, NOW!. Im so angry, hurt, i have so many fucking emotions going through me i dont know what to do with. I wanna hear his voice everynight before I go to sleep but i can't bc of this GD deployment. Right now, nothing that anyone says, not even him at times makes me feel better. I really just wanna tell people to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

i feel sometimes it would be nice to be reassured of how he feels about me. im not saying all the time, but it would be nice every now and then.

im being selfish right now i know, but im in my "i dont give a fuck" mood right now, im pissed that 1/2 of my heart, my better 1/2 is 11000 miles away from me with shitty communication and there's nothing i can do about it...i think i have a right to be upset...

Yea the sun may brighten your day but if i had my way, id take the rain....

i knew...

that this day was goin to come eventually...i seriously hate everything today. i dont wanna get out of bed, i dont wanna eat, i dont wanna do anything but lay here and cry. i want him home so bad. it sucks bc i know he loves me and cares about me, just him being so far away its hard to feel it. i wish there was a way to know...bc right now emailing/skyping and a phone call once a week just doesnt seem like enough. i feel like the most shittiest gf because i feel this way. i shouldnt feel this way, im not supposed to tell him im upset, i wish there was a way to know, bc words right now just dont seem to be enough....

oh me

oh my. can't believe we are half way through our 3rd week and it feels like its been FOR-EV-ER since i 've seen his handsome face and it SUCKS donkey balls. even though i have been lucky enough to get a phone call once a week and an email everyday from him :).

i am BEYOND ready for October to be here. 3 weddings and I start my hardcore dieting for when he comes home! Gotta look amazing for my man <3  also...FALL, i cant wait for Football, Bonfires, Hoodies, Jeans, Boots, and cold weather :). and one season closer to my lover coming home! AH...think positive alyssa ... and be patient (something i've been lacking lately)

--so i find something new everyday to fall in love with him over and over again. in a letter i wrote him i told him that everday we spend together is a new adventure...and its so true, we never have a dull moment it seems. we can be acting like fools, or just doing nothing at all and its the best time ever. I guess thats why we are so amazing together :).

Here are some pictures of the night he left, i cherish these <3

*my sister, garett, and me*

*i feel like the luckiest girl in the world*

*gah i miss this so much :(*

"The most beautiful women are those who have known defeat, suffering, struggle, and pain & have found their way out of the depths...Beautiful women do not just happen"

wow i absolutely love this...and so true <3 ...

almost 2 weeks down...i can do this :)

Well we are officially one week down. This past week has been crazy. So many emotions, and what not, i've been a rollercoaster. Still havent really broke down though. Im still waiting on it. I miss him  more than any normal person should miss someone. But Im so in love with the boy what can i say?...

On top of him being gone, im so F'N stressed. With work, money, everything. There's so much i want to do but dont have the money and i hate it so much :( . I really just want october to be here. SO BAD! All my bills will be paid off, i have 3 weddings to go to that month, 2 in one weekend actually. So i know that month will go by fast, then it will be November = Thanksgiving,then DECEMBER which means CHRISTMAS! My absolute favorite holiday! And i have goals set for myself by the time christmas rolls around. Then JANUARY will be here, and that means less than 3 months before my birthday and less than 3 months before i see the love of my life :).


thought id share a picture of me and garett the day he left for depolyment, it shows how happy we are and why i love & adore his goofy butt

yup....

There's nothing more satisfying than missing someone and being completely broken down and exhausted because your so in love and more proud than you could ever put into words. Yeah, it hurts, but saying it's worth it, wouldn't even being to cover it.

love you garett michael<3

reality

Is it bad that i want reality to hit me? I want it to hit me that he's gone for the next 7 months, that communication is going to suck, and i have to go on and live my life without him there to help me keep my sanity.  I want to break down and cry so bad, but for some reason I can't, I guess I feel if i do breakdown im gonna be miserable for the next 7 months. I also feel like im going to feel weak if i do. Im trying so hard and putting in so much thought and effort to look at everything in a positive way. I know thats what he would want me to do. Of course talking to him for a few minutes everyday helps ALOT. It's probably the reason why I havent broke down. Even if its for 2 minutes, atleast I know he's safe and ok and that he loves me.

I really want a rainy/lazy/cry day. Just lay in bed all day watch movies, eat bad food, and cry. I really think it would help, alot. He'd probably tell me to suck it up, get out of bed and to go do something. I just need a day to let it all out, and start fresh. I've got so much bottled up i need to let it all out. The only time i cry is when i hear his voice, and they arent even sad tears, they are happy tears.

I am so in love with him. I really dont think i could tell him enough. And i LOVE hearing those words come out of his mouth. Those 3 little words bring so much comfort to me.

Im starting my diet monday 7/8 - i've already started cutting out softdrinks and havent had any in 3 days :) im proud of myself, its not much but atleast its something :). Im doing this not only for me, but for him and for us. So when he gets off that bus I can run and jump into his arms and him think, my God im a lucky man and my gf is beautiful :) (babe hopefully you think that now) lol.

and babe, if your reading this, i heard this song and it describes exactly how i feel :)

I know I'm still young
But, I know how I feel
I might not have too much experience
But, I know when love is real.

By the way my heart starts pounding
When I look into your eyes
I might look a little silly
Standing with my arms stretched open wide.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I'll love you to the moon and back
I'll love you all the time
Deeper than the ocean
And higher than the pines.

Cause girl, you do something to me
Deep down in my heart
I know I look a little crazy
Standing with my arms stretched all apart.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
Garett Baby i love you with all my heart and more :)

7000 Miles Away

Him: I miss you
 Me: I miss you too
Him: I Love you
 Me: Love you too babe
Him: Im so glad to be your boyfriend, im so happy your the one im coming home to
 Me: Aw, I'm glad too babe, i wouldnt have it any other way
Him: I promise ill come back to you a better me
 Me: Ur perfect the way you are now babe
Him: Ok, well better looking, more fit, and i wont take our time for granted anymore, ill text you later baby

..ok seriously? i swear, 7000 miles away and he finds a way to make me fall in love with him over and over again everyday :)

true story :)

hello there deployment

...um you came way too fast for me, but i guess the best way to look at it is, the sooner you get here, the quicker you'll be over. this weekend was amazing, we had our first "I love you's", i've been waiting so long for him to say those words to me, and it was perfect just like i imagined it would be. i really hate that the next time i see him will be in 7 months. him leaving was kind of like...a movie i guess you could say.

...well we got there at 7:30ish...they had formation and got their rifles and all that fun stuff, we definately thought they would be leaving soon after that, boy were we wrong, welcome to the marine corp right? we sat around for a while, talking, huging, kissing, all that sweet lovey dovey stuff. well they get called into formation, probably 2 more times after that, and me hugging n kissing him thinking they are leaving at that time, well nope, they finally get called into a final formation, oh almost 3 hours later, and another unit that is leaving has came in and got all their stuff together, we said our final "see ya soons" as i watched him get on the bus. i started to break down, he was going to be thousands of miles away, not knowing when im going to get to talk to him, or see him over skype. i had given him a letter earlier before we left and told the silly goob not to read it till they got on the plane. well there were 3 different buses and i wasnt sure which one he had gotten on, so standing there trying to figure it out lookin like a crazy person, i spotted someone that looked like him reading a letter, i got a closer look and it was garett :). reading my letter like i told him not to but didnt care at this point. as i was standing there, tears filling up my eyes, watching him read it, i glanced up and a shooting star passed over the buses, I made a wish for his safe return, bc at that moment i realized i didnt need anything else. i have my best friend, my love, my everything sitting right there on that bus, i didnt need anything else, but for him to return safely to me. i have a love with him that can outstand this deployment.

packing

"moto"

Numb

yup...thats exactly how i feel right about now. D-day just got moved to a sooner date. :( it was only a couple of days but a couple of days that i wasnt prepared for. I really felt like there was more time, but its coming way too fast. plus this arguing isnt helping. i've never in my life wanted to wish away time to 2012, i've never wanted to see that year as much as i want to see it now. im looking forward to seeing him get off those ugly white buses, and ready to jump into those arms of his. i know i wont be alone in this, someone else who's going to have it hard, his sister...she's so worried about him, but i know she's SO PROUD of him. &  like she said we have to be there for each other. Im so lucky to have no only the support of my family, but knowing she's there to talk to too, im so thankful for that.

These past two weekends with him have been AMAZING.
We went out on the lake saturday evening, and on the boat were probably 6 or 7 other people, but it felt like there was only me and him, it was sweet, romantic, and i was just at peace and happy, and there's no other place i would've rather been. Him telling me how happy I make him, and how he can't wait to have me there when he gets back from this depolyment, the kisses on my neck, forehead, i was li ke a little kid. it felt amazing. I may not have shown it but inside i was bursting with happiness, i felt as if i was smiling from ear to ear. I was falling even harder, I was on cloud 9 and no one or nothing could've brought me down from it. That feeling, i've never EVER felt before, and i dont EVER want it to go away. I swear when he leaves he's taking a part of me with him...

<3

In my head

Well. In my head I am trying to stay positive, look at the good instead of the bad. But my fucking heart is taking over my head. As it seems to do most of the time. WHY? I really dont understand, he's looking at the positive and Im trying to, but its so damn hard. I swear over these next 3 or so weeks I am going to be one emotional rollercoaster :( . I refuse to argue with him though. Im not wasting these next few weeks with him arguing. I still want to cry all the time ( i know, im a big cry baby) but thats me. But I dont, im trying to suck it up and be strong. And ya know? Its not the fact im scared he's going to be in a dangerous place...ok well maybe thats a part of it, but its the amount of time that we're going to be apart. 6 weeks is the longest we've ever been apart and that almost killed me. now...7 months! ugh, im already looking forward to homecoming and he hasnt even left yet. i do think that it'll get easier the longer that he's gone, im sure by the 4th or 5th month itll be easier, then I wont have that much longer till I see him. Hopefully communication will be good over there for us. I'll take a 5 minute phone call, or 10 minute Skype Date over nothing at all. Thats going to be hard too, im so use to talking to him everyday, UGH deployment you suck ball sac


...anyways...


Im so tired of my job, i feel like I do everything I can, work when they want me to, barely complain about any of it, AND I also havent had a raise in ... 4 years. Im about to have to say my "see ya later" to my boyfriend, my breath of fresh air, for 7 months and I am scared to death to ask off for work bc I dont want to get bitched at for it. I need a new job, a new change of environment. Im so tired of this place....


AND...on another note, the stupid hooker from the insurance hasn't returned my call, almost at 2 years to try and get my money from my wreck from Nov 09...ugh seriously Im so BLAH right now, the only thing right in my life right now is HIM, and he's leaving soon...hopefully everything will fall together soon before I fall apart....

i did this yesterday while I was bored sitting at home.

My 3 favorite pictures of US <3

getting closer

i really thought this would get easier by now. he's only 11 hours away still at home in La. and im so blah. all i want to do is lay in bed and cry all the time. we've been arguing so much lately. especially ever since i left last friday. ugh i wanna scream and i want him back in NC only 4 hours away. :( ... 

this deployment its getting closer. i've heard from several people that the anticipation leading up to the deployment is worse than the deployment itself. and that it goes by so quickly. im praying they are right.
i know i have to stay strong, and no matter how hard it gets. i will NOT give up. i refuse to give up on him, on  us, and our future.  

i do have lots of things planned while he's gone to go back to school, lose weight, get another job, and get my shit together for when he comes back. i gotta make him proud of me. and everything i do is going to be because of him. he's definately my insperation and motivation ... i dont know what id do without him <3

mmmm my baby is so sexy :)

i absolutely ADORE this picture of him. he's so damn cute. i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE his smile and i think thats going to be one thing i miss the most :(

lets see here

Well lets see here. I havent wrote anything in quite a while, due to predeployment leave with garett. We drove to lousiana and i had 8 amazing days with him. I definately got spoiled with all the time I got to spend with him. It was so hard to leave, and then wake up the next morning and him not be there.

With that said, this deployment is coming up so soon. Way faster than I thought it would, and its hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I keep thinking to myself, am i strong enough to do this? What am I going to do with myself for 7 months?
           --stay busy? sure I can try and will do my best to. but we all know that its easier said than done right?

Not being able to talk to him everyday, or see him on the weekends. Im going to go completely insane.

I keep telling myself I will come out of this a much stronger person, and our relationship will be stronger than ever.

I realized over our vacation, he is my truly my best friend. There's never a dull moment between us. When one of us is away we are either bored out of our mind, or trying to make ourselves have fun. When something good/bad happens he's the first person i want to tell. I can't stay mad at him for long at all, and when im crying he does everything in his power to make me laugh, which I always end up doing. He always knows the right things to say. I can't imagine my world without him in it. Its as simple as that.

Growing up

I seriously have got to get over this jealousy/insecure stage im going through...its going to ruin me, and ruin my relationship with the greatest guy i've ever been with. I can't stand it. All i can say is that Garett is an amazing man for putting up with everything i throw at him. He doesnt deserve for me to act this way. He's been through alot, and is going on his first deployment in August and doesnt need the stress of me acting this way. The last thing i want to do is fight with him, he hates it and i hate it too. Even though I bring it on 9 times out of 10. I hate that im so needy sometimes...i just want him here. But I knew what I was getting myself into when we got together. I've seen my sister go through it. I keep telling myself...

....ALYSSA...get your shit together before you lose an amazing guy.

He really does make me happy, he's my reason for waking up in the morning (those sweet "goodmorning baby" texts also help too :) ) I just can't say how much I appreciate him, he does so much that I dont give him credit for.

...i think what gets me upset is when im alone, and have way too much time to think. i overthink things alot, and i need to stop. point blank.

...Im making a Promise not only to Garett, but to myself to stop this. Today. No More. I have to, for me, for him, for US.

on another note, we are leaving for Louisiana in oh about 10 days! Im so excited I can't stand it. He's leaving and coming to pick me up and we are driving almost 12 hours down...lord pray we dont kill each other on this drive :).


ok...time to get back to work..BLAH

oh me, oh my

I am SO glad that this week is over, its definately been one of those that has done nothing but drag on! Work has been super busy with the NASCAR race in town this week! I wish me and garett could go but we're both trying to save money for his 2 week leave in July. So that means we get to spend quality time, being lazy and relaxing this weekend, which is MORE than fine with me. We always seem to GO GO GO all the time.

AND ... what better way to spend Memorial Day weekend  than with my Marine :). I am so proud of him, and couldnt' be happier.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and my thoughts and prayers go out to those who have their loved ones deployed, or no longer with them. We would not be where we are today without those brave men and woman serving our great country. God Bless America and Our Troops.

For Starters

So I am kind of new at this whole blogging thing. Bare with me for now :).

A little about myself. Im 24 and for the past oh i dont know 5 or so years i've tried to figure out what i want to do with my life. I've finally figured it out. Im going back to school this fall for dental administration and eventually get into dental assisting/hygiene. I currently am working at a motorcycle dealership and well i've been here for 4 years and definately not something i want to make a career out of, dont get my wrong i love the people and the atmosphere but not for me long term :).

On another note...

I have the most amazing guy in my life. He's in the USMC and is deploying in Aug of 2011. We've been together for almost a year now and its been the most amazing year. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but its all been worth it, and i never take the time we spend together for granted. I cherish every second of it. He's made me open my eyes to so much stuff. He makes me want to be a better person, and change myself for the better. He's definately got my wrapped around his finger, and he knows it, which some will say thats a bad thing, but its not. He knows i can't stay mad at him, and i forgive him bc well...im a very forgiving person. I couldnt ask for anything else in a guy. He's pretty much my reason for waking up and facing each day...

i got bored with picnik one day :)