reality

Is it bad that i want reality to hit me? I want it to hit me that he's gone for the next 7 months, that communication is going to suck, and i have to go on and live my life without him there to help me keep my sanity.  I want to break down and cry so bad, but for some reason I can't, I guess I feel if i do breakdown im gonna be miserable for the next 7 months. I also feel like im going to feel weak if i do. Im trying so hard and putting in so much thought and effort to look at everything in a positive way. I know thats what he would want me to do. Of course talking to him for a few minutes everyday helps ALOT. It's probably the reason why I havent broke down. Even if its for 2 minutes, atleast I know he's safe and ok and that he loves me.

I really want a rainy/lazy/cry day. Just lay in bed all day watch movies, eat bad food, and cry. I really think it would help, alot. He'd probably tell me to suck it up, get out of bed and to go do something. I just need a day to let it all out, and start fresh. I've got so much bottled up i need to let it all out. The only time i cry is when i hear his voice, and they arent even sad tears, they are happy tears.

I am so in love with him. I really dont think i could tell him enough. And i LOVE hearing those words come out of his mouth. Those 3 little words bring so much comfort to me.

Im starting my diet monday 7/8 - i've already started cutting out softdrinks and havent had any in 3 days :) im proud of myself, its not much but atleast its something :). Im doing this not only for me, but for him and for us. So when he gets off that bus I can run and jump into his arms and him think, my God im a lucky man and my gf is beautiful :) (babe hopefully you think that now) lol.

and babe, if your reading this, i heard this song and it describes exactly how i feel :)

I know I'm still young
But, I know how I feel
I might not have too much experience
But, I know when love is real.

By the way my heart starts pounding
When I look into your eyes
I might look a little silly
Standing with my arms stretched open wide.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I'll love you to the moon and back
I'll love you all the time
Deeper than the ocean
And higher than the pines.

Cause girl, you do something to me
Deep down in my heart
I know I look a little crazy
Standing with my arms stretched all apart.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
Garett Baby i love you with all my heart and more :)