Numb

yup...thats exactly how i feel right about now. D-day just got moved to a sooner date. :( it was only a couple of days but a couple of days that i wasnt prepared for. I really felt like there was more time, but its coming way too fast. plus this arguing isnt helping. i've never in my life wanted to wish away time to 2012, i've never wanted to see that year as much as i want to see it now. im looking forward to seeing him get off those ugly white buses, and ready to jump into those arms of his. i know i wont be alone in this, someone else who's going to have it hard, his sister...she's so worried about him, but i know she's SO PROUD of him. &  like she said we have to be there for each other. Im so lucky to have no only the support of my family, but knowing she's there to talk to too, im so thankful for that.

These past two weekends with him have been AMAZING.
We went out on the lake saturday evening, and on the boat were probably 6 or 7 other people, but it felt like there was only me and him, it was sweet, romantic, and i was just at peace and happy, and there's no other place i would've rather been. Him telling me how happy I make him, and how he can't wait to have me there when he gets back from this depolyment, the kisses on my neck, forehead, i was li ke a little kid. it felt amazing. I may not have shown it but inside i was bursting with happiness, i felt as if i was smiling from ear to ear. I was falling even harder, I was on cloud 9 and no one or nothing could've brought me down from it. That feeling, i've never EVER felt before, and i dont EVER want it to go away. I swear when he leaves he's taking a part of me with him...

<3

In my head

Well. In my head I am trying to stay positive, look at the good instead of the bad. But my fucking heart is taking over my head. As it seems to do most of the time. WHY? I really dont understand, he's looking at the positive and Im trying to, but its so damn hard. I swear over these next 3 or so weeks I am going to be one emotional rollercoaster :( . I refuse to argue with him though. Im not wasting these next few weeks with him arguing. I still want to cry all the time ( i know, im a big cry baby) but thats me. But I dont, im trying to suck it up and be strong. And ya know? Its not the fact im scared he's going to be in a dangerous place...ok well maybe thats a part of it, but its the amount of time that we're going to be apart. 6 weeks is the longest we've ever been apart and that almost killed me. now...7 months! ugh, im already looking forward to homecoming and he hasnt even left yet. i do think that it'll get easier the longer that he's gone, im sure by the 4th or 5th month itll be easier, then I wont have that much longer till I see him. Hopefully communication will be good over there for us. I'll take a 5 minute phone call, or 10 minute Skype Date over nothing at all. Thats going to be hard too, im so use to talking to him everyday, UGH deployment you suck ball sac


...anyways...


Im so tired of my job, i feel like I do everything I can, work when they want me to, barely complain about any of it, AND I also havent had a raise in ... 4 years. Im about to have to say my "see ya later" to my boyfriend, my breath of fresh air, for 7 months and I am scared to death to ask off for work bc I dont want to get bitched at for it. I need a new job, a new change of environment. Im so tired of this place....


AND...on another note, the stupid hooker from the insurance hasn't returned my call, almost at 2 years to try and get my money from my wreck from Nov 09...ugh seriously Im so BLAH right now, the only thing right in my life right now is HIM, and he's leaving soon...hopefully everything will fall together soon before I fall apart....

i did this yesterday while I was bored sitting at home.

My 3 favorite pictures of US <3

getting closer

i really thought this would get easier by now. he's only 11 hours away still at home in La. and im so blah. all i want to do is lay in bed and cry all the time. we've been arguing so much lately. especially ever since i left last friday. ugh i wanna scream and i want him back in NC only 4 hours away. :( ... 

this deployment its getting closer. i've heard from several people that the anticipation leading up to the deployment is worse than the deployment itself. and that it goes by so quickly. im praying they are right.
i know i have to stay strong, and no matter how hard it gets. i will NOT give up. i refuse to give up on him, on  us, and our future.  

i do have lots of things planned while he's gone to go back to school, lose weight, get another job, and get my shit together for when he comes back. i gotta make him proud of me. and everything i do is going to be because of him. he's definately my insperation and motivation ... i dont know what id do without him <3

mmmm my baby is so sexy :)

i absolutely ADORE this picture of him. he's so damn cute. i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE his smile and i think thats going to be one thing i miss the most :(

lets see here

Well lets see here. I havent wrote anything in quite a while, due to predeployment leave with garett. We drove to lousiana and i had 8 amazing days with him. I definately got spoiled with all the time I got to spend with him. It was so hard to leave, and then wake up the next morning and him not be there.

With that said, this deployment is coming up so soon. Way faster than I thought it would, and its hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I keep thinking to myself, am i strong enough to do this? What am I going to do with myself for 7 months?
           --stay busy? sure I can try and will do my best to. but we all know that its easier said than done right?

Not being able to talk to him everyday, or see him on the weekends. Im going to go completely insane.

I keep telling myself I will come out of this a much stronger person, and our relationship will be stronger than ever.

I realized over our vacation, he is my truly my best friend. There's never a dull moment between us. When one of us is away we are either bored out of our mind, or trying to make ourselves have fun. When something good/bad happens he's the first person i want to tell. I can't stay mad at him for long at all, and when im crying he does everything in his power to make me laugh, which I always end up doing. He always knows the right things to say. I can't imagine my world without him in it. Its as simple as that.