I miss my best friend

I hate this. I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and call him when im havnig a bad day, because he's the one that always makes it better. I hate that I can't see that smile of his that makes my world so much better. I miss his hugs, his kisses, his hands holding mine, and most of all, I miss the way he loves me and makes me feel like im the only person in this world for him, but what i LOVE is that he makes me feel that way from 11,000 miles away. I Love you Garett <3

another one down

"She packs. She moves. She follows. Why? What for? You may think she has lost her mind. But actually, she's lost her heart. It was stolen by her man. A man who puts duty first, who longs to deploy, who salutes the flag, and whose boots in the doorway remind her that it takes one hell of a person to do what he does & she will FOREVER stand by his side." <3
-absolutely love this. it says so much. and its exactly how i feel.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out.


Today's been somewhat of a good day i guess.
I've been thinking ALOT about our future today for some reason.
I can't wait to see where things go when he gets back.
Im so ready to get out of this shit hole of a town and be with him.
Im pretty much over everyone here, my job, and just everything.
-im tryin so hard to keep my head up about this, So hard, if he only knew, i fake a smile and laugh everyday but all i really wanna do is breakdown...i DONT like this at all :(
its actually going by pretty fast, we are about to be 1 month down, and it feels like he just left so i guess thats a positive in this whole thing.
o well...gotta keep moving along, and supporting him ...


iLOVEyouGarett <3

today...

is another one of those days.

its been shitty...i just wanna go home & go to sleep, actually go home, talk to my love, and then go to sleep.
im so ready for him to get his laptop...its been almost a month without seeing his face, and i miss it SO much. if i didnt have pictures of him everywhere i go, id go crazy...he keeps me going...he keeps me sane...(sometimes) ;)
--WORK BLOWS & I WANNA GO HOME--
i want aug/sept to be OVER with. for some reason i want October to be here SO BAD. weddings/halloween/football. lets pray september goes by SUPER fast.

i've been listening to alot of Rock music here lately (thanks to my lover)
Five Finger Death Punch & Theory of a deadman...

i NEED to get away. this place, and everyone here is driving me completely INSANE. i want to get away, i've been thinking about going back to jacksonville, and staying at the hotel in the room we stayed at the weekend he left, just for some comfort. sounds crazy, but i want to so badly.  being back at home sucks, i have to deal with all of my parents drama...and on top of that, money issues & garett being gone, im so stressed beyond belief. I barely have an appetite anymore & im tired all of the time, all i wanna do is cry, even thinking about anything anymore can make me cry at the drop of a hat... i can't remember the last time i got a good nights sleep...probably the night before garett left. yup. that was it. i didnt have a care in the world cuddled up with him, and thats all i want to go back to, in his arms, sleeping like nothing else in this world mattered.

ON ANOTHER NOTE....
im SO ready for tiffany's bachelorette party! its gonna be so fun!
Even though, i feel so guilty for going out and partying with him being gone, BUT i know he wants me to get out and do stuff...plus, itll help the time go by faster.

...i've spent alot of time here lately with my bestest friend in the whole wide world. gah i've missed her so much, and i've forgotten how much fun we have together, and why she is my absolutely best friend (girl) bc garett is definately my best friend too....im so excited about her possibly moving to charlotte within the next couple of months. more best friend time will be exactly what i need to get through the rest of this deployment, she's definately my rock, and i dont know what i would do without her.

Anyways...i better get back to doing NOTHING at work...6pm please hurry up...

I Love You Garett <3

i can't sleep...

its 12:08 and 1)i feel like crap 2)im patiently waiting for G to get online...and 3) im tired but can't fall asleep.

welll...we are ALMOST 1 month down in this deployment. kind of exciting in a way. im guessing i got through this month...i can get through the next 6ish...hopefully he will be home end of februaryish-begining of marchish? lol. it would be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G if he got to come home on my BIRTHDAY <3 i dont think i could ask for a better gift than that! ANYWAYS...

got lots going on in the next couple of months...well not so much sept, but October, Nov, and Dec will hopefully FLY by. October-wedding...2 weddings 1 weekend...its gonna be fun/crazy and also EXHAUSTING. then we can't forget about HALLOWEEN :) then Thanksgiving, Panthers football games, and CHRISTMAS :) ... im kinda looking forward to everything going on!...trying to keep my head up :)

actions speak louder...than words

I hate when he's gone, and when i dont get to talk to him, or if we get in an argument, that i can't just call him and apologize. I hate that we said our first "I Love You's" the weekend before he left, i feel like that was a huge step in our relationship and this depolyment is just in the way of stepping forward and seeing where this is gonna go. Everyone says "oh, you'll come out stronger, and your relationship will be so much better" yea, um not believing that for one second at the moment, sometimes i feel like it and then again i dont. I HATE this deployment and everything that comes along with it, right now i feel like nothing good is coming out of it. Sounds harsh? Oh well...
When he comes back, he will have a year left...and i will support him in anything he decides to do, but it will not hurt my feelings AT ALL if he doesnt reup. I dont want to be apart from him, this long, EVER again. I hate it, and I can't say that enough. I want him home NOW. Not in 6 months, NOW!. Im so angry, hurt, i have so many fucking emotions going through me i dont know what to do with. I wanna hear his voice everynight before I go to sleep but i can't bc of this GD deployment. Right now, nothing that anyone says, not even him at times makes me feel better. I really just wanna tell people to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

i feel sometimes it would be nice to be reassured of how he feels about me. im not saying all the time, but it would be nice every now and then.

im being selfish right now i know, but im in my "i dont give a fuck" mood right now, im pissed that 1/2 of my heart, my better 1/2 is 11000 miles away from me with shitty communication and there's nothing i can do about it...i think i have a right to be upset...

Yea the sun may brighten your day but if i had my way, id take the rain....

i knew...

that this day was goin to come eventually...i seriously hate everything today. i dont wanna get out of bed, i dont wanna eat, i dont wanna do anything but lay here and cry. i want him home so bad. it sucks bc i know he loves me and cares about me, just him being so far away its hard to feel it. i wish there was a way to know...bc right now emailing/skyping and a phone call once a week just doesnt seem like enough. i feel like the most shittiest gf because i feel this way. i shouldnt feel this way, im not supposed to tell him im upset, i wish there was a way to know, bc words right now just dont seem to be enough....

oh me

oh my. can't believe we are half way through our 3rd week and it feels like its been FOR-EV-ER since i 've seen his handsome face and it SUCKS donkey balls. even though i have been lucky enough to get a phone call once a week and an email everyday from him :).

i am BEYOND ready for October to be here. 3 weddings and I start my hardcore dieting for when he comes home! Gotta look amazing for my man <3  also...FALL, i cant wait for Football, Bonfires, Hoodies, Jeans, Boots, and cold weather :). and one season closer to my lover coming home! AH...think positive alyssa ... and be patient (something i've been lacking lately)

--so i find something new everyday to fall in love with him over and over again. in a letter i wrote him i told him that everday we spend together is a new adventure...and its so true, we never have a dull moment it seems. we can be acting like fools, or just doing nothing at all and its the best time ever. I guess thats why we are so amazing together :).

Here are some pictures of the night he left, i cherish these <3

*my sister, garett, and me*

*i feel like the luckiest girl in the world*

*gah i miss this so much :(*

"The most beautiful women are those who have known defeat, suffering, struggle, and pain & have found their way out of the depths...Beautiful women do not just happen"

wow i absolutely love this...and so true <3 ...

almost 2 weeks down...i can do this :)

Well we are officially one week down. This past week has been crazy. So many emotions, and what not, i've been a rollercoaster. Still havent really broke down though. Im still waiting on it. I miss him  more than any normal person should miss someone. But Im so in love with the boy what can i say?...

On top of him being gone, im so F'N stressed. With work, money, everything. There's so much i want to do but dont have the money and i hate it so much :( . I really just want october to be here. SO BAD! All my bills will be paid off, i have 3 weddings to go to that month, 2 in one weekend actually. So i know that month will go by fast, then it will be November = Thanksgiving,then DECEMBER which means CHRISTMAS! My absolute favorite holiday! And i have goals set for myself by the time christmas rolls around. Then JANUARY will be here, and that means less than 3 months before my birthday and less than 3 months before i see the love of my life :).


thought id share a picture of me and garett the day he left for depolyment, it shows how happy we are and why i love & adore his goofy butt

yup....

There's nothing more satisfying than missing someone and being completely broken down and exhausted because your so in love and more proud than you could ever put into words. Yeah, it hurts, but saying it's worth it, wouldn't even being to cover it.

love you garett michael<3

reality

Is it bad that i want reality to hit me? I want it to hit me that he's gone for the next 7 months, that communication is going to suck, and i have to go on and live my life without him there to help me keep my sanity.  I want to break down and cry so bad, but for some reason I can't, I guess I feel if i do breakdown im gonna be miserable for the next 7 months. I also feel like im going to feel weak if i do. Im trying so hard and putting in so much thought and effort to look at everything in a positive way. I know thats what he would want me to do. Of course talking to him for a few minutes everyday helps ALOT. It's probably the reason why I havent broke down. Even if its for 2 minutes, atleast I know he's safe and ok and that he loves me.

I really want a rainy/lazy/cry day. Just lay in bed all day watch movies, eat bad food, and cry. I really think it would help, alot. He'd probably tell me to suck it up, get out of bed and to go do something. I just need a day to let it all out, and start fresh. I've got so much bottled up i need to let it all out. The only time i cry is when i hear his voice, and they arent even sad tears, they are happy tears.

I am so in love with him. I really dont think i could tell him enough. And i LOVE hearing those words come out of his mouth. Those 3 little words bring so much comfort to me.

Im starting my diet monday 7/8 - i've already started cutting out softdrinks and havent had any in 3 days :) im proud of myself, its not much but atleast its something :). Im doing this not only for me, but for him and for us. So when he gets off that bus I can run and jump into his arms and him think, my God im a lucky man and my gf is beautiful :) (babe hopefully you think that now) lol.

and babe, if your reading this, i heard this song and it describes exactly how i feel :)

I know I'm still young
But, I know how I feel
I might not have too much experience
But, I know when love is real.

By the way my heart starts pounding
When I look into your eyes
I might look a little silly
Standing with my arms stretched open wide.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I'll love you to the moon and back
I'll love you all the time
Deeper than the ocean
And higher than the pines.

Cause girl, you do something to me
Deep down in my heart
I know I look a little crazy
Standing with my arms stretched all apart.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
Garett Baby i love you with all my heart and more :)

7000 Miles Away

Him: I miss you
 Me: I miss you too
Him: I Love you
 Me: Love you too babe
Him: Im so glad to be your boyfriend, im so happy your the one im coming home to
 Me: Aw, I'm glad too babe, i wouldnt have it any other way
Him: I promise ill come back to you a better me
 Me: Ur perfect the way you are now babe
Him: Ok, well better looking, more fit, and i wont take our time for granted anymore, ill text you later baby

..ok seriously? i swear, 7000 miles away and he finds a way to make me fall in love with him over and over again everyday :)

true story :)

hello there deployment

...um you came way too fast for me, but i guess the best way to look at it is, the sooner you get here, the quicker you'll be over. this weekend was amazing, we had our first "I love you's", i've been waiting so long for him to say those words to me, and it was perfect just like i imagined it would be. i really hate that the next time i see him will be in 7 months. him leaving was kind of like...a movie i guess you could say.

...well we got there at 7:30ish...they had formation and got their rifles and all that fun stuff, we definately thought they would be leaving soon after that, boy were we wrong, welcome to the marine corp right? we sat around for a while, talking, huging, kissing, all that sweet lovey dovey stuff. well they get called into formation, probably 2 more times after that, and me hugging n kissing him thinking they are leaving at that time, well nope, they finally get called into a final formation, oh almost 3 hours later, and another unit that is leaving has came in and got all their stuff together, we said our final "see ya soons" as i watched him get on the bus. i started to break down, he was going to be thousands of miles away, not knowing when im going to get to talk to him, or see him over skype. i had given him a letter earlier before we left and told the silly goob not to read it till they got on the plane. well there were 3 different buses and i wasnt sure which one he had gotten on, so standing there trying to figure it out lookin like a crazy person, i spotted someone that looked like him reading a letter, i got a closer look and it was garett :). reading my letter like i told him not to but didnt care at this point. as i was standing there, tears filling up my eyes, watching him read it, i glanced up and a shooting star passed over the buses, I made a wish for his safe return, bc at that moment i realized i didnt need anything else. i have my best friend, my love, my everything sitting right there on that bus, i didnt need anything else, but for him to return safely to me. i have a love with him that can outstand this deployment.

packing

"moto"