actions speak louder...than words

I hate when he's gone, and when i dont get to talk to him, or if we get in an argument, that i can't just call him and apologize. I hate that we said our first "I Love You's" the weekend before he left, i feel like that was a huge step in our relationship and this depolyment is just in the way of stepping forward and seeing where this is gonna go. Everyone says "oh, you'll come out stronger, and your relationship will be so much better" yea, um not believing that for one second at the moment, sometimes i feel like it and then again i dont. I HATE this deployment and everything that comes along with it, right now i feel like nothing good is coming out of it. Sounds harsh? Oh well...
When he comes back, he will have a year left...and i will support him in anything he decides to do, but it will not hurt my feelings AT ALL if he doesnt reup. I dont want to be apart from him, this long, EVER again. I hate it, and I can't say that enough. I want him home NOW. Not in 6 months, NOW!. Im so angry, hurt, i have so many fucking emotions going through me i dont know what to do with. I wanna hear his voice everynight before I go to sleep but i can't bc of this GD deployment. Right now, nothing that anyone says, not even him at times makes me feel better. I really just wanna tell people to shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

i feel sometimes it would be nice to be reassured of how he feels about me. im not saying all the time, but it would be nice every now and then.

im being selfish right now i know, but im in my "i dont give a fuck" mood right now, im pissed that 1/2 of my heart, my better 1/2 is 11000 miles away from me with shitty communication and there's nothing i can do about it...i think i have a right to be upset...